Pain, rejection, neglection, broken-heart, anxiety, failure, etc are some setbacks we face as humans at some point in time in our lives. Life has its way of hitting us with its bullets. However, how each and everyone treats it varies. We normally say “We all have our demons to fight.”
Depression is a very serious aspect of our lives that we hardly pay attention to. Sometimes we go through a lot of things but we feel people can’t relate or would not understand how we feel hence decide to keep it to ourselves.
Most often we’re caught in a state of self-hate or disbelief.
We feel like we don’t deserve what we’re going through at that particular moment or we were not ready for such situations. It’s difficult to take in pain, rejection, breakups in relationships etc. especially if you feel you have tried or given your best and suddenly you’re not getting what you want.
You feel like the world is crashing at your feet and you can’t do anything about it. So today we take a journey on depression and from this article, a couple of people who would be anonymous have shared some stories about how depressed they have been in life…And to differentiate each story we would address these stories with characters…
“WILL I EVER BE CALLED A MOTHER?”
Everyone’s dream is to find that perfect home. Build that long-lasting family. 23rd May 2007 I got married to the man of my dreams. I dated my husband right from my secondary school days and I would say he had always been the man of my dreams.
Our families were so comfortable with both of us being partners so the news of us wanting to get married didn’t come as a surprise. Right from the day my husband proposed marriage, I had always wanted our wedding day to come immediately. In my mind, I had already fantasised about what my marriage life should look like and how many kids I wanted. Two girls, three boys and all the drama that comes with motherhood.
My husband has always been the perfect man in my world. Three years after getting married, I became anxious, I wanted kids and my desire to become a mother increased. I talked to my husband and he said we’re just three years into our marriage and there’s no need to rush for kids since we’re still young couples.
Days, weeks, months and years passed by. October 5, 2014, was our fifth anniversary and still no sign of childbirth, not even a miscarriage. It was then depression started. I was 32 when I got married and before our fifth anniversary, I had turned 39.
“39 years old without a baby? not even a sign of pregnancy?” I began to question my faith and sometimes felt God never existed. I could sometimes hear babies cry in my head and the thought of it was so crazy. My husband, My pillar all this while was still with me throughout this journey. Pressure from society, and family members was getting intense.
My husband opted for adoption but I said no because I wanted to carry a baby of my own. I could cry my eyes out every night and I felt my life wasn’t meaningful anymore because I lived a very chaste life during my youthful days, always had a strong Christian faith and yet God was denying me the “little” joy of being a mother.
Suicidal thoughts began setting in. I wanted to die because if truly I was barren, the thought of seeing my husband getting married to another woman would kill me, so I would rather die and have my peace.
To cut my long story short, today as I share this story with you, I’m a mother of two beautiful boys. And I say to the Glory of the lord that his time is always the best. I gave birth to my first son at age 41 and the second at age 44…. To men, it’s an old age to have kids but to God, he answers prayers in his own time… If you get the chance to read this, and you’re going through something like this, I pray you to hold on tight to your faith because truly “GOD’S TIME IS THE BEST”. And dear husbands please be the pillar and shield you promised to be for us on the altar. My name is MRS JOANA OPAREBEA ADDO and this is my story.
“YOU’RE A FAILURE!”
I lost my brother on the 6th day of September 2021, in the hours of 3:45 pm I lost my brother Seth. May his soul Rest In Peace. I lost my brother through suicide because mere words stroked through my brother’s heart like a dagger.
In a family of 4 now 3 my big brother Seth, always felt the pressure of being the first son. He was supposed to be the protector of the family in the absence of my Dad(the villain) in my story.
Our family name which I will hold anonymous is a well-known name here in Ghana and because of that, you’re not supposed to “fail” at anything you do. In school, we’re always excepted to be on top, stay at the top, was a good training. My brother started his education at Soul clinic school, then later at Adisadel college and then at the University of Ghana.
He studied Computer Science at the university and graduated in a second-class upper. Well as expected First class was his target, so in a family, you’re supposed to always stay on top this is where the pressure started. After his service, my brother wanted to be a photographer. But my all-knowing Dad wanted an engineer as a son. I could recall that my parents would get into a fight just because my Dad insisted my brother becomes an engineer or nothing else.
Two years after service, my brother started his photography studio(name held anonymous). It was all well and the infant had grown very well into the photography space. On February 9, 2020, my brother got robbed on his way from a shoot.
He lost almost everything. I’m writing this in tears, it was then I saw life moving away from my brother. Double with Covid, the life of a young entrepreneur was very difficult. Let’s not forget my Dad is rich and can invest in him. My Dad refused to help him get back on his feet because he said my brother disobeyed him. My brother had no option but to survive on loans and other savings because his passion for photography was strong and honestly if you saw his work you would know he was destined to be a great photographer.
Upon getting back onto his feet, my brother was duped online in the quest of getting a new laptop and a camera. He lost 34,000 Ghana cedis, an amount he had acquired from a loan. Damn this was so hard. Months passed and he had to pay for the loan but nothing to work with. Again we begged my “RICH DAD” to help and he still refused. My mom sold some pieces of jewellery and cloth to help fit the loan. I was constantly begging friends for money and I always got the “Ah is your father, not MR……….. Why are you disgracing him”.
We managed to pay 15,000 of the loan before his demise. After threats from the bank to get my brother arrested for defaulting the payment of the loan, he felt suicide was the best option since his father has practically disowned him for following his dream. I lost my brother on the 6 days of September 2021 with a note, “I’m sorry Dad, I failed you, I only wanted to follow my dreams”
That day has been the darkest in my life and I don’t think I can forgive my “RICH DAD”
My mum filed for a divorce and the case is still pending in court. I live each day of my life with regrets about having such a beast as a father.
Dear parents support the dreams of your kids, it’s better to have a photographer son alive than a Dead engineer.
“MY LOVE CYCLE”
Love is a beautiful thing they say. And yes it is indeed a beautiful thing when you find the right person. I’ve been a young man with a big heart, but I’m a “monster” when I fall in love. Hold on, I’m not an abusive person or a bad person. I can be the most loving and caring soul you can have as a friend, boyfriend or partner. But there come the “demons” in me which always make me a loser when it comes to my love life.
My love cycle has seen me fall in love with beautiful women with the best character. To be honest I will say I have had in my life some of the best women life could give me as a boyfriend. I’ve always been the guy who always wants to hide my pain, struggles or emotions with the belief that I don’t want to disturb my partner. Anytime I go through pain, I turn to hide from the people I’m supposed to get closer to and this always ends up breaking my relationships with them.
I’m of the view that I need empathy and not sympathy and so if I will tell you what I’m going through and I’m going to get sympathy I would rather hide and try to heal. Now I don’t heal the next thing I find myself in another relationship without even explaining what I was going through to my previous partner. I have walked in and out of relationships thinking that was the best option but it rather got me depressed because every relationship had the same outcome and it was always my trying to hide from my “demons”.
This attitude got me hurting my partner’s feelings as they felt like they don’t know the man they were dating. And this depressing state made me a loner most of the time because I felt like keeping it to myself.
Eventually, I began to talk to very close people who I felt would listen to me, and help me fight my “demons”.This was a step in trying to heal from them rather than being a loner. And yes it helped, took a break to find myself, talked to the people who saw my dark side and still stayed.
If I find love again, I’m not hiding anything this time. So I will say allow yourself to feel pain, heal from the pain and learn to talk to people who stick around you.
So when next you ask someone “How are you?” Make sure they are FINE. Let’s learn to speak, listen and encourage each other. Like they say a problem shared is a problem solved. Always learn to LOVE and be your brother’s PEACE.
Written by: JA SON